Surviving cultural separation anxiety
Having made the transition into your new life in a new country far away from your family and friends, it is time to enjoy your new found freedom. With no one to tell you what to do every minute of the day and no new script to follow, how do you make this new life work? Once you figure out how to use the public transport, where to get your groceries and eat familiar cuisine, you are faced with the scary prospect of meeting new people.
My friend Alice told me how she locked herself in her room for a whole week too scared to venture out and speak to strangers in her broken English. She rang home each night faking excitement about made up friends she has met in the neighbourhood. As soon as she got off the phone, she would cry her heart out wishing she never left her life back home. The unfamiliarity of everything only served to reinforce the deep anxiety and homesickness that came with her new life in a strange land.
What you are suffering from is cultural separation anxiety. The things you took for granted all your life like growing up surrounded by an extended family of uncles, cousins and aunties is what has defined you. The cackle of gossiping aunties cooking in the kitchen, the scream of cousins bickering over which show to watch and your grandmother’s endless interrogation about your marriage prospects are the cultural anchors that has kept you alive until now.
What you have to do next to create a new life is crucial and it is called meeting new people and making new friends. It means leaving your friends on social media and stepping out of your room to meet people in your neighbourhood. As scary as that may sound initially, why not start with introducing yourself to locals in your neighbourhood who serve you at the dry cleaners, the hot dog stand, the hairdresser’s and the local takeaway? Introduce yourself and swap first names. You might even ask them for tips and advice on simple things and you will be surprised at how willing people are to help you.
Meeting a future romantic partner at the local watering hole or club may need to be put on the back burner until you rediscover your cultural and social bearing. Finding a favourite eating place that serves your favourite dish from back home is a great way to bring back the security of the familiar back into your life. Food is a great connector so join a local food group on social media. In fact this is how a few people I know, met their future partners. Even people who hold opposite views on many political issues will find common ground when it comes to their shared love of food.
While these tips sound like simple no brainers, they are actually not that easy to apply. I can hear you saying that it is not that easy for shy introverts to just put themselves out there and hope for the best. Well it beats locking yourself up in your room with your screen all day and all night stoking your cultural anxiety. Instead task yourself with finding the courage to meet someone new in person each week for you never know where that will lead you.
